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It's Nothing Personal, Dear College Applicant: When You Don't Get In

Writer's picture: Lilana SlaterLilana Slater

I know. You feel a bit deflated, dejected, and confused. You put your whole self and soul into that college application. When your English teacher read your Personal Essay, she couldn't help but shed a tear or two. You worked years to "earn" the stats to make you a qualified, strong contender in their applicant pool. Geez, you were in their range! Despite all of your awesomeness, they posted a rejection letter to your applicant portal. DENIED! Just like that. No digital flying confetti for you. There's a small part of you wishing you were deferred (at least), but trust me, you don't really want that purgatory, do you? Well, maybe?


Remember, the college didn't reject YOU. They rejected your application WHEN they compared it to the other applications they received. As the applications increase to record numbers each year, the seats available for students to fill normally do not. The college process is not a predictable beast. Just because one person gets in doesn't mean the next person with the "same" credentials will get in. And, college admissions is anything but fair. When left to decisions that rely on human discretion, there is no cut-and-dry approach. There are simply no guarantees, and trying to figure out what happened behind the scenes is a fruitless endeavor, so don't even try. For your own mental health, please don't go down that rabbit hole.


Rejection letters happen. As a college counselor, if my clients don't get at least one rejection letter, I feel I didn't do my job because I didn't help them reach high enough. Congratulations, that rejection means you did put it all out there. You went for it! Sure, it may not have worked out, but that should never limit future reaches. There may be a great many reasons as to why you were rejected, and if you knew why, you'd probably be grateful for it. Maybe it's an indication that you would not have fit in well with the incoming class they were creating. Imagine dodging that - whew! It's easy to say, but I have to say it: shrug it off, move on, and consider the wonderful years ahead of you at a college that did select YOU! Get excited about the schools that chose YOU! Take solace in the fact that there is no one perfect school for you, despite what you think about the "one that got away." Life will go on.


Can you imagine if colleges were as emotional when they get rejected by students not coming to their college in the Fall that did receive acceptance letters, conefetti, and the t-shirt? You don't see colleges biting their fingernails, hoping you say YES to them! And, they don't take your rejection of them to heart, either. They know they are awesome, they know the "right" students will join them in the Fall; those who are excited to be there, those who will become part of the bigger puzzle because they chose each piece to complete it so carefully. Now, that's your job. Look at those wonderful colleges that said YES to you. Who are you going to choose? Get excited that they are excited for you to join them.


These are only the undergraduate years, you know. If getting into THAT college really means that much to you, you can always apply as a transfer applicant and see what happens. It doesn't really matter where you begin your studies. It's more important where you end. But, be careful. Pining away for something that wasn't ever going to happen is a waste of time. Reach out to your counselor for a "reality check" if you think it would help you to move on.


I know it doesn't make you feel any better if I tell you that the competition gets fiercer and fiercer year over year. I'm not trying to invalidate your disappointment. What I am trying to do is motivate you to change your perspective. You must focus on all the great colleges you did get into. I'm betting they are not too shabby! And, they can't wait for you to get there! Can't you hear that faint chant from your acceptances repeating, "Pick me, pick me, pick me..."



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